James' throat is thick but even swallowing takes an effort as his breath
turns shallow and wheezy. He could die right here, today, his life
finished, but he doesn't care when Davin says what he does. Everything is
terrible in that moment, hearing Davin say James hates witches. Even when
he has come to rescue him, as he's trying to save his life, as he's ripping
the bullet from his flesh. The pain of the gunshot is nothing to the cut of
the words. Maybe there's a kernel of truth to it, but mostly he knows it's
not true. It's what he's supposed to think, yes, that's true. Because he's
a Thornton, and his family has a reputation.
But he doesn't really believe it. Not anymore. Probably not for awhile. And
it's because of Davin. He's just been too stubborn to admit it. He should
have admitted that he doesn't care about any of it. He should've been smart
enough to admit that when Davin came back, but even then he just stayed
silent. And now he could die and Davin wouldn't know how much James really
cares.
He is shaking from the trauma his body has suffered from the bullet wound,
from the loss of blood, but with effort he reaches out for Davin, looking
blearily up at him. It feels like the worst most cliche moment but he
really can't hold it in. "Listen to me, I'm sorry. It was my fault what
happened with us..." He has to pause to take in air, his breath rapid and
shaky, a mixture of nerves and fear and exhaustion. "I'm sorry. I pushed
you away and I shouldn't have. I don't care what you are, okay? I just...I
love you. I don't want you to be different. I love you now."
When he finishes he squeezes Davin's fingers, but his hands, his entire
body is shaking. His body is already cold like he's sitting in a meat
closet, and even if he wanted to he doesn't think he could move. It's
getting harder to concentrate on Davin's face, his eyes blurry and heavy.
Until eventually he closes them again knowing he is losing consciousness.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2016-05-19 08:56 pm (UTC)James' throat is thick but even swallowing takes an effort as his breath turns shallow and wheezy. He could die right here, today, his life finished, but he doesn't care when Davin says what he does. Everything is terrible in that moment, hearing Davin say James hates witches. Even when he has come to rescue him, as he's trying to save his life, as he's ripping the bullet from his flesh. The pain of the gunshot is nothing to the cut of the words. Maybe there's a kernel of truth to it, but mostly he knows it's not true. It's what he's supposed to think, yes, that's true. Because he's a Thornton, and his family has a reputation.
But he doesn't really believe it. Not anymore. Probably not for awhile. And it's because of Davin. He's just been too stubborn to admit it. He should have admitted that he doesn't care about any of it. He should've been smart enough to admit that when Davin came back, but even then he just stayed silent. And now he could die and Davin wouldn't know how much James really cares.
He is shaking from the trauma his body has suffered from the bullet wound, from the loss of blood, but with effort he reaches out for Davin, looking blearily up at him. It feels like the worst most cliche moment but he really can't hold it in. "Listen to me, I'm sorry. It was my fault what happened with us..." He has to pause to take in air, his breath rapid and shaky, a mixture of nerves and fear and exhaustion. "I'm sorry. I pushed you away and I shouldn't have. I don't care what you are, okay? I just...I love you. I don't want you to be different. I love you now."
When he finishes he squeezes Davin's fingers, but his hands, his entire body is shaking. His body is already cold like he's sitting in a meat closet, and even if he wanted to he doesn't think he could move. It's getting harder to concentrate on Davin's face, his eyes blurry and heavy. Until eventually he closes them again knowing he is losing consciousness.